"his eyes the bright brown of July fourth sunlight through a tall mug of root beer […] a classic face of such symmetrical proportions, the exactly balanced type of face one dreams of looking down to find smiling and eager between one’s inner thighs."
-- chuck palahniuk, tell-all


I’ve been looking for this baby!

(Source: fit-fuel-injected, via penissauce)

33,914 notes


how am i supposed to lose weight when the best part about life is food

(via canadad)

Anonymous: yo

wats gud




Reasons why my chemistry teacher is the best:

  • she set the table on fire
  • she accidently exploded a bottle in our class and just yelled “hell yeah”
  • she read a smutty fic i wrote about two boys from her class, didn’t tell me off but in fact gave me advice on how  to make it better
  • she likes muse
  • she plays random YouTube vids in class
  • she makes her own booze
  • she set a guy on fire with a lighter and a can of hair spray, at a concert cuz he was in front of her (shes tiny) 

Wow she actually definitely sounds like someone who should probably be fired

she sounds like somebody who doesnt actually exist

(via ceramiclawnduck)


why did nobody ever tell me about Don’t Hug me I’m Scared

this is excellent

ruinedchildhood ruins my childhood every day. im a child.

(via hallandoates1970topresent-deact)


chin up lil buddy


chin up lil buddy

(Source: monicaholt, via sadgirls2k14)

240,727 notes